Spiritual Wisdom:

"My dear friends, no matter what wrong the other person does, if you are disturbed, there must be something in you that you overlook... It is most difficult for people to look within and find the source of the disturbance in themselves. One of the most favorite tendencies of mankind, is the one that says "you are doing it to me" -- making the other person guilty... One human being blames the other, one country blames the other, one group blames the other. This is a constantly ongoing process at this state of development. It is indeed one of the most harmful and illusory processes imaginable." (PL #180)

"A contact between individuals in which the destructiveness of the lower developed one makes growth, harmony, thriving of good feelings impossible, or in which the contact is overwhelmingly negative, should be severed. As a rule, the higher developed person assumes the necessary initiative to do so. If he does not, there must be unrecognized weaknesses and fears, which need to be faced. If a relationship is dissolved on the ground that it is more destructive and pain producing than constructive and harmonious, it should be done when the inner problems and mutual interactions are fully recognized by him who takes the initiative to dissolve an old tie. This will prevent him from forming a new relationship with similar underlying currents and interactions. It also means that the step of severance occurs as a result of growth rather than as a result of vindictive spite, fear, or escape." (PL #180)

"The tendency to make oneself emotionally dependent on others -- the awareness of which is such an important aspect of the growth process -- is largely due to wanting to absolve oneself from either blame or difficulty when establishing, maintaining, and sustaining a relationship... Doing this renders one indeed helpless and brings about precisely such a state between two equally undesirable alternatives as I just mentioned before: isolation or unending pain and friction with others. It is only when one begins to truly assume self-responsibility by looking at one's own problem in the contact and by willingness to change, that freedom is established and relationships become fruitful and joyous." (PL #180)

"When people who are of uneven spiritual development are involved with one another, it is always the higher developed person who has the responsibility for the relationship. I mean here specifically that he is responsible for searching the depths of the inner level of interaction, responsible for any friction and disharmony between the parties. The lower developed person is not capable of such a search. He is still involved with blaming the other and is dependent on the other's doing "right" in order to avoid unpleasantness or frustration... It is only the spiritually more developed person who is capable of realistic, undualistic perception. He may see that either one of the involved parties may have a deeper problem, which does not eliminate the importance of the possibly much lesser problem of the other person. He will always be willing and able to search his own involvement whenever he is negatively affected by a specific relationship no matter how blatantly at fault the other one may be." (PL #180)

"Relationship with others is a mirror of one's own state and thus a direct help to one's self-purification. Conversely, it is equally true that only by thorough self-honesty and self-facing can relationships be sustained, feelings expand, and contact between human beings blossom in long-term relationships. So you can see, my friends, that relationships and human contact represent a tremendously important aspect of human growth." (PL #180)

"It is also possible to measure one's personal sense of fulfillment or frustration by the depth of relatedness and intimate contact, by the strength of one's feelings one permits oneself to experience, and by the openness and willingness to give and receive. The degree of frustration indicates an absence of contact, which in turn is a precise indicator that the self withdraws from the challenge that relationship is, thereby sacrificing personal fulfillment, pleasure, love, and joy. When sharing is wanted on the basis of receiving only according to one's own terms while the self is really (although secretly) unwilling to do any sharing, longings must remain unfulfilled. People would be well advised to consider their unfulfilled longings from this point of view rather than indulging in the usual assumption that one is unlucky and unfairly put upon by life." (PL #180)

"A part of your innermost being is developed and governs your thinking, feeling, willing, and acting. There are other parts still in a lower state of development, which also govern and influence your thinking, feeling, will, and acting. Thus you find yourself divided, and this always creates tension, pain, anxiety, and inner and outer difficulties. Some aspects of your personality are in truth, others in error and distortion.

It is exactly the same law and principle when it comes to the unity or, respectively, to the dissension between outwardly separated and totally different entities... The dissension is not caused by actual different units of consciousness but, just as in the inner dissensions of one person, by different aspects of development of the manifesting universal consciousness. The principle of unification is exactly the same. Yet this principle cannot be executed with another human being unless it has first been applied to one's inner self. If the divergent parts of a self are not approached according to this truth and ambivalence not faced, accepted, and understood within a self, the process of unification cannot be put into practice with another person. This is a very important fact, which explains the great emphasis of this Pathwork on the primary approach to oneself. Only then can relationship be cultivated in a meaningful and effective way." (PL #180)

"Relationship represents the greatest challenge for the individual. For it is only in relationship with others that unresolved problems, the difficulties, and conflicts that still exist within the individual psyche are affected and activated. It is because of this that many individuals withdraw from contact with others, from interaction with others. The illusion can sometimes be maintained that the problems arise from the other person when one feels disturbance only in their presence and not when by oneself." (PL #180)

"You will never have to be afraid of losing the love of your beloved. This fear will have justification only if you refrain from risking the journey together." (PL #44)

"Loving, therefore the ability to give and receive, depends on the ability to perceive in reality, perceive with uncluttered vision. That depends on the ability to suffer pain in an undefended way, in a way that is free from manipulative interpretations of the pain," in order to "make room for truthful interpretation of the events and connections that bring the pain about." (PL #207)